Thinking out loud about love, attachment and being human

We talk a lot about how humans are “meant” to love - whether monogamously or not - but far less about how we talk to each other when our nervous systems are different. Somewhere along the way, we began ranking ways of loving as though safety, attachment, and longing were moral choices rather than biological realities.

This space is an attempt to step out of that hierarchy.

The Curious Monogamist began with questions raised by my exposure to polyamory - but it isn’t a blog about monogamy versus polyamory. It’s about how humans love, attach, and make meaning in relationships, and what happens when we stop listening and start ranking instead.

I’m interested in what happens when different nervous systems meet. When one person feels safe through exclusivity and another through openness. When reassurance matters deeply to one partner and autonomy to another. When nobody is trying to hurt anyone - and people still end up feeling lost, misunderstood, or alone.

Here, I write about attachment, biology, psychology, and lived experience. About romantic relationships, yes - but also about friendship, identity, grief, caregiving, desire, boundaries, repair, and the quiet work of staying human inside connection.

This isn’t a space for telling people how they should love. It’s a space for slowing down, getting curious, and remembering that jealousy, longing, fear, and attachment are not moral failures - they’re part of being alive.

If you’re monogamous, polyamarous, ambivalent, questioning, exhausted, hopeful, or simply trying to do relationships with a bit more care - you’re welcome here.

No hierarchies.

No “more evolved” narratives.

Just thoughtful reflection, compassion, and room to breathe.